Fuck, I really don't know what the matter is with me. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? I'm just never happy anymore. And even if I am, it's just..so shallow and temporary. It's not true happiness. Not even close. I wna cry. Not that that's a bad thing. Crying's good. I just. I so want to be happy for my new iPod. I so want to be happy for my new phone. But deep inside, I'm just not. And it's just so much easier at this point to put on a happy face. When someone asks "how are you", I can go "oh, great". Because I mean, what the fuck's the point. It's not like they care, or want to. Everyone just tries to be nice. Because what, nice is in right now?

----

I don't know if I can do this, although I was thrilled when you asked. I can't look you straight in the eye, you know. I know I'll fall for you if I do. It's too bad you sit between me and the teacher, I have to avert my eyes every time you look back.